Currently Reading Me & Emma By Elizabeth Flock see related

Sorry I haven't written guys.  When I do get on xanga I have been getting on my other site (which isnt that often either). 

I'm done with school!!  I graduate this Sunday.  I'm so scared.  I'm going to miss everyone.  I mean, I was ready to be done with school work, but i'm gonna get bored.  But i'll never be ready to leave the people i have spent so much time with.  I dont deal with change very well at all :(

I had Prom this past weeked..and I took TONS of pictures!! So as soon as i get those i willscan them in.  My mom took some with her digital that I should be able to get on here tomorrow. I know you're all super excited!!

God Bless you all!  Maybe sometime soon I will have something inspiring to say. I like those sort of days, and i know u do too!!

Its coming again guys.  The world of bright masks and fake smiles has dissolved into lost emotions, confusion, and defeat. I feel him pulling at me, and I almost don't want to resist. Crawling into bed for a couple hours, maybe a couple days, or even a week, that sounds like a nice solution. But no, I have school, work, church, band, commitments, hospital tests, graduation and prom plans, all to keep me busy, all with a tired heart and poor health. Receiving both love and heartache from many around me, friends and family, keeps me both searching for whats lost and hiding from whats not.

Sometimes, sometimes it lingers with you. The feeling, that mood has consumed me for many months at a time.  But now, now its worse.  I have been so busy and preocupied that I either didnt have it or didnt feel its presence (I'm betting on the later).  But, now it has managed to jump put of that dark corner and grab me by surprise.  I dont like surprises. Not these kind.

PLease pray. I will be.

Currently Reading Poisonwood Bible : A Novel By Barbara Kingsolver see related

I went out with my girl Tessa today.  She has been in Thailand for quite a while, and got home late last week.  She has been such an inspiration to me.  I think we really feed off of each other. I look at her as having such an amazing faith in God.  Even through her difficult times, and although God has given her some not-so pleasing circumstances, she has faith in God that He is with her and that they all happen for a reason.  She also has such an eagerness to be used by God.  She stayed in Thailand 2 months after her team went back home, just to spend more time in one of God's beautiful countries, (because, shocking as it is, America is NOT the center of the world) and she spent more time doing God's work. With a smile on her face she declared that she would love to, some day, live in Thailand as a full time missionary.  How many people would do that? Really?

I know she looks at me, as she has told me, as also having such a strong faith. God has given me so many difficult and trying circumstances (amen to that!), but I have managed to keep my faith in Him. She said something to me that really touched me, and made me think.  We were talking about how it says in the bible that God never gives us more than we can handle. She says that she believes that maybe God is, by giving me so many trials, giving me a compliment. I know, I looked at her weird at first too.  A compliment? "Here Tif, I like you so here's some more difficulties!". BUt then she explained: God is saying, by putting me through CONSTANT struggles that I am a strong person. (There's the compliment)  He knows that I am such a strong person that He is letting me use my strength, and He believes in me and knows that I can do it. What an awesome way to look at it! Thanks Tessa!

It is truly a blessing when God puts people in your life that you can feed off of.  People that you are on equal ground with.  You both think the other person is remarkable, and that makes you even more remarkable. Thanks God!

Man, did I miss my beautiful Tessa Sean!

(I took a picture, but it didnt come out, so i'll have to catch us again soon girlie!)

This is the beautiful Tessa Sean. (Hope you dont mind I stole a pic girl)

Currently Reading Poisonwood Bible : A Novel By Barbara Kingsolver see related

I had my last orchestra concert tonight 

It went really well though.  Exhausting, but everyone said it was really good. Afterwards my mom took my brother and I out to Steak N' Shake for dinner.  I took some pics.

My Brenna Baby, the other half of the bass section.

(Kinda blurry....) Stacy and Jen came!!

Brad and I at Steak N' Shake

Ummm....my mom.  It was bad service

Currently Reading 1984 By George Orwell see related

OK guys.  I want you to listen to the song I have up here on my site.  I dont always just change my songs because they are some of my favorites.  This one came pass me somehow and i kept it.  It has an awesome message. Here are the words to read as you listen:

by Superchick
No one sits with him, he doesn’t fit in
But we feel like we do when we make fun of him
'Cause you want to belong do you go along
'Cause his pain is the price paid for you to belong
It’s not like you hate him or want him to die
But maybe he goes home and thinks suicide
Or he comes back to school with a gun at his side
And kindness from you might have saved his life

Heroes are made when you make a choice
You could be a hero
Heroes do what’s right
You could be a hero
You might save a life
You could be a hero
You could join the fight
For what’s right for what’s right for what’s right

No one talks to her, she feels so alone
She’s in too much pain to survive on her own
The hurt she can’t handle overflows to a knife
She writes on her arm, wants to give up her life
Each day she goes on is a day that she’s brave,
Fighting the lie that giving up is the way,
Each moment of courage her own life she saves
When she throws the pills out a hero is made

Heroes are made when you make a choice
You could be a hero
Heroes do what’s right
You could be a hero
You might save a life
You could be a hero
You could join the fight
For what’s right for what’s right for what’s right

No one talks to him about how he lives
He thinks that the choices he makes are just his
Doesn’t know he’s a leader with the way he behaves
And others will follow the choices he’s made
He lives on the edge; he’s old enough to decide
His brother who wants to be him is just nine
He can do what he wants because it’s his right
The choices he makes change a nine year-old’s life

Heroes are made when you make a choice
You could be a hero
Heroes do what’s right
You could be a hero
You might save a life
You could be a hero
You could join the fight
For what’s right for what’s right for what’s right

Little Mikey D was in the one class
Who everyday got brutally harassed
This went on for years
'till he decided that never again
Would he shed another tear
So he walked through the door
Grabbed the 4.4 out of his father's dresser drawer
And said I can't take life no more
And like that life can be lost
But this ain't even about that
All of us just sat back
And watch it happen
Thinkin' it's not my responsibility
To solve a problem that isn’t even about me
This is our problem
This is just one of the daily scenarios
Which we choose to close our eyes
Instead of doing the right thing
If we make a choice
And be the voice
For those who won't speak up for themselves
How many lives would be saved, changed, and rearranged
Now it's our time to pick a side
So don't keep walking by
Not wanna intervene
'Cause you just wanna exist and never be seen
So let's wake up
Change the world
Our time is now

You could be a hero
Heroes do what’s right (Our time is now)
You could be a hero
You might save a life (Our time is now)
If you could be a hero, you could join the fight (Our time is now)
For what's right, for what's right

How many of us can relate to a verse in this song?  How many of us see ourselves, a friend, maybe a family memeber?  How many people wish they had a Hero, were a hero, or knew a hero to help out their loved one? How many people are heros, have heros, and stay alive everyday because of that blessing? How many people have seen someone who needed a hero, but just stood back and prayed "God, help them.  I can't". A hero doesnt have to fly in with a cape.  A hero doesnt have to be a huge sumo-big guy.  A hero doesnt have to sacrifice his life on a cross.  By simply speaking to somone, hugging somone, helping somone up, listening to somone, and respecting somone, you could be an awesome hero in their eyes.

So whats stopping you? Afraid you'll fail?  God will help with that.  Afriad you'll look too good?  I mean really, what is there to loose?

I have a hero.  I have a couple, who have acted in small ways yet saved me in huge ways.

I have been a hero.  I am a hero.  To myself, and to others.  Trust me, it takes more to be your own hero than somone elses. By being her hero, I have seen her smile, heard her laugh, watched her live just ONE more day. Its more than worth it.

You may be somone's hero, and dont know it.  One of my heros may think of me as a hero too. It doesnt matter. The fact is there, sometimes invisible, but impacting a life nontheless.

Try being somone's hero today. Do you have a hero? Tell them.  Just thank them.  It will mean the world to them.

Thank you to my heroes. I know you know who you are.  Past and Present. Thank you Heather, Susie, Pam, Amy, Tessa, Jan, Noelle. You have kept me going, and have even made me capable of being a hero for myself. God Bless you all!